The Next Right Thing
…Step into uncharted territory and relax with the groundlessness of our situation.
-Pema Chodron, When Things Fall Apart
For the past several days, my inbox has been filling up with emails from local businesses closing their doors "temporarily" or "indefinitely." Those emails leave me feeling sad and incredulous.
And now it's my turn.
After carefully reviewing recommendations from the CDC and my professional organization, I've decided to suspend in-person appointments indefinitely.
I'm sad because I love my work and I know that it helps my clients maintain a sense of well-being and stress management—especially important in these difficult times.
I'm also scared because I have two kids and a mortgage and a husband with asthma. The uncertainty of it all—it's a lot to take in.
And because I have two kids, I know that Disney decided to release Frozen 2 to it's streaming service three months early. So that's what we did today. I really love that movie and I really love one of the messages it conveys: That when the future is uncertain, the only thing you can do is the next right thing.
Cancelling my upcoming appointments is the next right thing.
Thankfully, while I was reeling with anxiety yesterday, a quiet, wise voice inside me reminded me to pick up my copy of "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron. Obviously, I listened. This passage continually brings me comfort and I wanted to share it with you:
No one ever tells us to stop running away from fear. We are very rarely told to move closer, to just be there, to become familiar with fear…The advice we usually get is to sweeten it up, smooth it over, take a pill, or distract ourselves, but by all means make it go away.
We don’t need that kind of encouragement, because dissociating from fear is what we do naturally. We habitually spin off and freak out when there’s even the merest hint of fear. We feel it coming and we check out. It’s good to know we do that—not as a way to beat ourselves up, but as a way to develop unconditional compassion. The most heartbreaking thing of all is how we cheat ourselves of the present moment.
Sometimes, however, we are cornered; everything falls apart, and we run out of options for escape…There’s nowhere to hide. We see it as well as anyone else—better than anyone else. Sooner or later we understand that although we can’t make fear look pretty, it will nevertheless introduce us to all the teaching we’ve ever heard or read.
So the next time you encounter fear, consider yourself lucky. This is where the courage comes in. Usually we think that brave people have no fear. The truth is that they are intimate with fear…
…The trick is to keep exploring and not bail out, even when we find out that something is not what we thought. That’s what we’re going to discover again and again and again. Nothing is what we thought. I can say that with great confidence. Emptiness is not what we thought. Neither is mindfulness or fear. Compassion—not what we though. Love. Buddha nature. Courage. These are code words for things we don’t know in our minds, but any of us could experience them. These are words that point to what life really is when we let things fall apart and let ourselves be nailed to the present moment.
I believe we only get one life—a life made of moments. So instead of wishing for this time to pass or checking out like this season “doesn’t count” because I don’t get to do what I want to do, I’m going [to try] to stay present.
I’m going to try to show up for my kids; I’m going to love my husband through our mutual anxiety; I’m going to keep up with my friends and family over the phone and via FaceTime; I’m going to support my colleagues and fellow small business owners; and I’m going to stay connected to you through this blog, my newsletter, and Skype sessions.
The messages from Frozen 2 and Pema Chodron don’t necessarily solve the problem of how I’m going to pay my mortgage, but they do give me a sense of control and spaciousness of heart.
All I can do is this moment.
I’d love to connect with you and hear how you’re doing. Please feel free to drop me a line or schedule a Skype session. Please continue to support small, local businesses by buying gift cards and sharing and commenting on social media posts.
Be kind. Be present. Be well,
-Jen